Thoughts From Driving Cross-Country Written on a Boulder Baked Box

I just drove cross-country from Colorado to D.C., and had lot's of time to sit and think. [You know, for the hours I spent just sitting... I really didn't think that much... thanks Vivian!]

Gus Gus has many fleeting thoughts that arise in his little brain (wait... does HE have a smaller hamster in HIS brain???) and due to their fleeting nature, I decided I should write them down. Now, I could have just reached behind me and gotten a piece of paper that was, literally, RIGHT THERE, but I didn't. I decided to write my ideas on a Boulder Baked box that was sitting next to me.

That's spelled C L A S S Y.


As such, here are my cross-country realizations for your reading pleasure (in no particular order... unless you consider the order in which I wrote them down particular):

1. On the road, old people and cops are practically the same.
Reasons:
- they both drive really slow
- they both drive big, old-person-y cars
- they both smell


2. I hate slow drivers who are in the "fast" lane and won't move over so you have to go around them.
Like really, just move over. If I am going faster than you (and I am), then you should be in the "slow" lane and I should be in the "fast" lane. When more than one car is forced to go into the non-passing lane to pass you, you shouldn't be in the fast lane.

3. I love my gps, Vivian.
If I hadn't had Vivian on this trip to "recalculate" when I missed a turn, I would have ended up in the backyard of some Southerner who is teaching me to make homemade meth in a bathtub... wait... that doesn't sound too bad...

4. I hate fast food.
It makes me feel dirty inside.

5. I need a camera that can take good pictures in a moving car.
6. I need a warning sign when I photo opportunity arises.
These two are related. I am unsatisfied with the pictures taken from my phone camera, and if I had used my regular camera, it would have been too hard to take the picture and pick the setting and get the flash, blah blah blah. Also, I missed many a "Welcome to [INSERT STATE]" sign because they come out of nowhere. And many a funny billboard (such as that advertising a barbeque place that showed three pigs' butts and said "Eat our butts," as well as many of Jesus). I also missed the rebuilding of the ark (in Maryland I think...).

7. 75% of cars on the road look like cops.
- white cars can be cop cars
- dark cars can be cop cars
- cars, trucks or SUVs can be cop cars
- cars with ski racks can be cop cars
- cars driving slow can be cops
- cars driving fast can be cops
- fords and chevys can be cop cars
- old people cars can be cop cars


8. If I were left-handed, I could not be writing this list.
Legibly anyway.

9. Construction speed traps are dumb.
Indiana likes to play this game. Driving through the state, maybe 10% of "Construction Area Ahead, Reduce Speed" were accurate. Seriously, there would be a sign announcing a construction area, and telling you to reduce your speed, and there was nary a single orange cone to be seen. Then in a couple miles, there would be a sign saying "End Construction Zone." It got old. Fast. A few other states liked doing this too.

10. Number of tires >> amount of roadkill
This saddens me, especially because I was getting REAL sick of fast food, and bloody, gory death turns me on. Anyway, there were FAR more shredded tires on the road than roadkill. I saw *maybe* 5 animals, but over 10 tires. Maybe all the fresh roadkill was taken before I got a chance to view it... lucky ducks.

11. I am going to start selling Kentucky Jelly (because no one else is, or is advertising anyway).
As I was driving through Kentucky, I REALLY REALLY wanted to see a billboard advertising KY Jelly. Hehehe. Wouldn't that be great thought? Becca's Kentucky Jelly! HEYOOOO!!!!!!!!

12. MY. BUTT. HURTS.

13. People like naming creeks after beavers.
:)

I'd have more if I started thinking before the last day of my trip. Oh well. There's always the return ride.