Thursday, June 17, 2010

Scientist Trading Cards

Last night, Emily and I were fartin' around saying random things that popped into our heads while waiting for my newly-bought eggshellcratethingy to unfold (? - to fluff up? I don't know, it was all compressed and needed to "breathe"). [It's one of those foam things you put on your "mattress" (=plastic pad here at UMD) to make it more (= actually) comfortable. I slept on it last night... I need more data.]

Anyway, we were talking, and, I do have to credit Emily that this was her idea, but I am stealing it and patent-pending it and then MUH HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!


She was saying some nonsense about her boyfriend or some guy (or both), and saying how she was talking to him about the lab tour we took and he goes, "Oh, Reggie Hudson?! I know him!" And then she explained to me that he meant that he knows of him, not him personally. Then she (or maybe it was I... I'm kind of fuzzy at this point... hear that courts?!) joked about how he sits there looking at his "scientist trading cards" because he's a nerd like that.

Then I thought to myself, 'HEY! I'm a nerd like that!' Then I said out loud, "BLOG POST!" Which then sparked fisticuffs between me and Emily for the lucrative rights to the scientist trading card monopoly... let's just say she won the battle, but she won't win the war... The war where I sneakily and underhandedly "hire" Asian children to mass-produce my cards in some "clean" sweatshop in some third-world country (does it matter which?), where I have them coat the fronts with a fine film of "cocaine" so as to "addict" the kids to MY brand of scientist trading card because we all know that when alone in the privacy of their own rooms they won't be able to resist the charms of a one Mr. Carl Sagan:

 Not with those dreamy eyes, gazing directly into my soul with the passion of a thousand burning G2V stars...


Or there is also the exceedingly rare and highly coveted, Mr. Albert Einstein:


I mean, this card is practically begging to be licked/kissed/[insert gross fetish here]!!! Maybe, for our " Scientists Gone Wild" line of cards, I'll make one where he licks back. PATENT PENDING!!!


On the back of the cards will be a list of each scientist's publications. Along with favorite food, color, etc. 

3 comments:

  1. LOL. Do you think Albert Einstein enjoys a good golden shower once in a while?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oooh, publications? Seriously? I think that might be more difficult than the tonguing Einstein. I mean, Sagan had 100's of publications. Einstein too.

    A sprayer of some kind might work to give the feeling of tonguing at least...but it's still a tricky problem. I'd like to just say right now that this paragraph is ®© :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. No Deno, it will be a COMPLETE list of publications up until the date the card was made. I didn't say it'd be legible, even with a magnifying glass... A real scientist would etch the names of the publications into the DNA of the baseball card, which could only be read with the highest, most scientific kind of microscope.... Duh....

    ReplyDelete