OH. AWESOME. NO. REALLY. Part 2 - June 30, 2010

OH WOW. OK. GREAT. AWWWWWWWWWWEEEEESOME.

Let me tell you a story. A story filled with intense emotion. It may only be one emotion. BUT THERE WILL BE LOTS OF IT.

So there was no internet yesterday. Let me rephrase. There is internet, but our usernames and passwords don’t work.

Skip forward to today.

It was going to be a great day… right?

I woke up at 7:30am and checked the internet. Still broken. I showered, and made a lunch. I gathered the troops to head to campus at 8:30am.

We had a lab tour on the UM campus at 9am, and we were told not to be late. Luca and I were driving and were given one-day parking passes for Lot B. Corrie told us to park across from the Chemistry building. We figured out where the geology building was and the parking lot. I drove into the parking garage and looked around for section B. I found two signs on two columns that said Lot B, and I parked on the ramp in between them. Luca parked next to me. We both had our parking passes hanging from our rearview mirrors.

We went to the geology building and met the professor. Two long and boring hours later, we decided to head to the IT building to get our internet back, but first Mickey needed his paycheck.  After I held his hand through the process of getting it because no one was in the designated office, we went to the IT building. We went in, and the three boys immediately went to the computers to check their email and facebooks. I talked with the woman at length, she got her boss, and ultimately we were told that the Guest Services director only gave us internet guest passes for a month (from May 28 to June 28), and so we would need our program coordinator (Corrie) to get in touch with him.

AWESOME.

Emily and I yelled to the boys that we were leaving. Then they asked what the deal was. I told them, “Oh, don’t worry sweetie. Mommy will take care of everything.” They went back to sucking their thumbs and as we walked to the car, I checked their diapers for poopies.

No poopies! Good boys!

But we had another surprise waiting for us when we got back to the cars. Luca and I both had tickets on our cars. FOR $300 EACH.

I looked up to the sky and yelled, “REALLY?!?!?”

Since the Parking Administration office was in the parking garage, we went straight there. The ticket says: “Location: Lot B.” The parking pass has a huge “B” on it. The woman was like, “Dang, sucks, man.” Luca and I both had to file an appeal by writing “like we were talking to a judge” about the situation. We should hear back in 2 to 4 weeks. NEATO GANG.

At this point, we headed to work. I had emailed Geronimo before I left the previous day and sent him the document I finished. I had checked my email on my phone this morning (once in the dorm and once on the UM campus) for an email that I had a package. No package, but I had received an email from Geronimo that I should drop by his office…

I think it would be neat if the other mentors knew when we had mandatory mentor lab tours so that they didn’t think I skipped out on work. But you know, don’t want to ask too much here.

So we get to Goddard at around 11:40am. Emily and I went to talk to Corrie about the parking tickets and the internet. Corrie said she was glad she didn’t go to the lab tour today because she would have gotten a ticket too. [Sidenote: Also found out that one of the reasons we aren’t talking a field trip to Green Bank like we were told we would is because we would have had to stay overnight in the bunkhouse and ‘Corrie is too old for that.’] We also told Corrie about the internet and she said, “Oh, I’ll contact Matt.”

Yeah, take your time. It’s not like my life is hanging in the balance or anything… JUST MY SANITY.

Which I had very little of to begin with.

Since it was 11:45am by this point, I went straight to Geronimo. I told him that we just got here because we had a lab tour and then got parking tickets. He laughed at my simple, intern misfortune. We sat for an hour going over the document I wrote (basically, I read this 3000-line IDL code he wrote for reducing spectra of Mars, and I wrote up a 16-ish page document that… documents… the user inputs ‘n junk… awesome). He wanted me to re-number things, which wasn’t an easy task, but I went to it. I adjusted the document and met with him again. We finished going through all the code, which brought us to 5pm. Tomorrow we begin working with data! Wow! Only 19 days into the program! GREAT!

Time to leave. Emily got sidetracked for 20 fucking minutes but an old dude who likes to talk. AWESOME. Then Mickey needed to go to Target to get a Scooby Doo sleeping bag because he sleeps better when Scooby is protecting him. All the previous times we have gone shopping together, when someone is done, they wait up at the front of the store. Both Emily and Mickey bought things and so, Sean and I wandered for about 10 minutes, then went up to the front of the store. We waited another ten minutes, I called Mickey and he didn’t answer. Emily and Mickey were waiting at the car. UGH.

At least we sang some Whitney Houston (pre-crack) to feel a little better.

When we got to the dorms, Emily and I decided to see if the internet worked. GOOD JOKE. We went to McDonald’s because they have free wifi. DID IT WORK?!?!?!?

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHA

Of course not.

Then Emily and I decided to GPS some restaurants that might have free wifi. Like your favorite neighborhood IHOP. There weren’t any signs blaring “FREE WIFI” so I ran in to check. The host had no idea if they did or not. He said he’d ask his manager. The manager came over, he was… I don’t know… something weird. He spoke in some sort of halted Amuriken and said that “he’s seen people in here with computers but he doesn’t charge them.” I left as fast as I could. But not before he asked if I wanted him to charge me. Long story short, pancakes are delicious.

After I left, Emily and I decided to hit the Starbucks across the street. But could I get there in a simple, non-roundabout way?

HAHHAAHAHAhAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

So I drove around and we passed this monster IKEA. Emily heard that they had like jumbo jets, particle accelerators and a complete working model of Big Ben to scale, so we were like, “Wifi? Wi not?

HAHHAAHAHAhAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

They didn’t have wifi. But I DID try to drive up on the sidewalk.

We decided to try that Starbucks again… for the first time. We got there. I checked my email. Wrote that post about writing a post. And then Emily and I decided to try using an Ethernet cord to plug into the wall… Because Starbucks wasn’t exactly conducive to our needs… I’m not talking about porn… something… worse.

So we came back to the dorm. We plugged in to the outlet in the common area. No dice. We decided to try the outlet in her room… SUCCESS.

Or so we thought.

I opened up Firefox and it had three options: Student, Commuter Student or Faculty/Staff. I tried them all. You need a student id to sign in.

Emily and I sat in the common room and cried. And yelled (see yelling post, up soon).

Then I started writing this post.

And that brings us to now.

Sometimes I hate the world and everyone and every thing in it.

But a savior from above!

Emily has a friend that lives upstairs, Andy. He let us use his phone to connect to the internet on our computers.

But Emily and I are watching… something… on Netflix. So RIGHT AFTER I WILL POST THIS!!!! 

I also made this: 

It's a photo-montage of me. For your viewing pleasure.

           

OH. AWESOME. NO. REALLY. Part 1 - June 29, 2010

 You know what really tackles my linemen?

NO INTERNET.

Let’s face it, people. I need the internet, AND THE INTERNET NEEDS ME.

Take right now for example, I need the internet. And my loyal and earnest fans need me to blog my complaints to them!

How am I supposed to blog about the probabilities that I will EVER RECEIVE THE DROID when I CAN’T LOG-ON? I can’t is how.

UGH. It’s getting RI-GOD-DAMN-DICULOUS.

(What is getting ri-gd-diculous you ask? HOW ABOUT MY LIFE? Don’t you roll your eyes at me and say I’m over-reacting… I’LL OVER-REACT YOU!!! (Goddard is having an anger management seminar on its campus where you can learn the different types of anger and how to deal with them… show of hands who think I should attend… and take detailed notes…)).

Sure, there’s a million other things I could be doing right now… but there’s only ONE thing I want to be doing. Actually, there are many things I want to be doing, but the most-wanted are the things that I most-can’t-do!

G                        F                                    D

Am I right???

I am. Always. Remember that. It’s an important life lesson. I actually just saved you years of suffering and hardship.

You owe me.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE 'LOVING' GOD?!?!?!?

G F FUCKING D IT. 

Hi everyone. EXPECT A LONG-ASS SWEAR-FILLED CUSS-STORM OF SHITTY BREWFUCK ONCE I GET INTERNET BACK.

Let me give you a short run-down of today.

Had to wake up an hour early for a lab tour.
Got a $300 parking ticket EVEN THOUGH I HAD A VISIBLE PARKING PASS.
Got a text from Verizon saying I have to wait 8 MORE FUCKING BUSINESS DAYS before I should expect the Droid. THAT'S THREE MORE FUCKING WEEKS.
My internet hasn't been working for the past two days, and NO ONE has free wifi in College Park or Greenbelt.

Awesome!

Of course, I will relay the whole long, story of AWESOME that is my life, once I get internet somewhere. I am writing this in a Starbucks at the moment, but I am about to go home and cry. NEAT.

Another Awesome Video - But Not Explicit :(

I first received this video from my awesome friend, Leslie. It made its sweeps through Facebook stati but I just wanted to make sure everyone has seen it.

Also, dibs on the one woman at the table.

BP Spills Coffee

Let's Just Rename This Blog "Emily's Awesome Thoughts Written by Becca"

The theme of this summer's blog posts are twofold: 1. NO DROID, and 2. Things From Emily.

Well, pretty soon, I'm just going to stop mentioning Emily, and just claim all the ideas as my own... MUH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway,

YOU NEED

to watch this video. Multiple times. If I knew how to embed videos from YouTube, I would. But I don't. So click on the link and FUCKIN' LOVE THIS:

Lazy Town "Cooking By The Book"

OH, AWESOME.

I woke up yesterday and didn't have an email notification saying I had a package. Fine. They had allllll day.

As soon as I go to work, there was an email waiting for me that said I had a package. YAY!!!!!! I thought about running back during my lunch hour to retrieve said package. Emily, the joykill she is, said that I shouldn't do that because then I wouldn't get any "work" done in the afternoon. FINE.

I joked that it was probably the CD that those people forgot to include in the package when I ordered the shirt... Little did I know, that I changed the way of the universe with that little sentence.

We left work early to go pick up our paychecks! YAY!!!!

When we got back to our dorms, I immediately walked over to the community center. A bit of joy in my hustle, I arrived at the desk and told the girl I had a package.

IT WAS THE FUCKING CD. 

Where the BALLS is my Droid? I went into my room and went on myverizon.com. Of course, you can only check order status online if you ordered said item ONLINE. UGH. I decided to venture over to Verizon to roar at them myself. I picked up Emily on the way because she was still at work.

We arrived at Verizon and of course no one knew what they were doing. After a very long while, the woman said that the ship date isn't until the 28th of June and that I shouldn't expect the Droid until the 30th...

SWEET.

This phone better be worth a two-month wait...

RAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then Emily and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings which was really good. But not DROID good.

"Becca Excited to Receive Droid Tomorrow"

And
I
WILL
Receive
The
Droid
Tomorrow.

"Today Doesn't Look Good For Becca to Have Droid"

No Droid today, folks.

Hug?

NASA: Day 12

I woke up this morning, not feeling like P. Diddy, unless he was very tired and woke up too late to shower. I automatically check my email every morning because I'm important like that and the people need me, gd it!

Anyway, I was surprised and quite honestly, taken aback at one such email staring me in the face... I had a package waiting for me at Leondardtown Community Center... "Could it be?" I thought, "The Droid?" As I said this, I looked up and to my right, with the heavenly aura that is DROID wrapping its technological arms around me and resting its majestic touch-screen upon my sample bosom...

As I quickly dressed and began my walk over to the Leondardtown Community Center, I thought to Gus Gus, "Could it be? A day early? Is it possible that I could not hate the world and everyone in it for a microsecond?"

My thoughts were quickly answered once I arrived. "I have a package," I said to the attendant. She pulled out a bag, which I quickly realized did not say "Verizon" nor have a Droid, but said "GoMerch" and had a shirt that I forgot I ordered.

Alas... no Droid.


I HATE YOU.


Then, to slap me in the face, the package with the shirt was supposed to have a CD... AND IT DIDN'T. So I had to email them. They'll send it.


So at work, I had shizzzz to do. Which took me to about 11:30am. When G is in, he usually stops by, and since I was busy, I didn't go up to his office until I was done. When I ventured up there, he wasn't in. Since it was a half hour until lunch, I "read."

After lunch, I went to see if G was in. Nope. I "read." On the half hour, I would venture up to his closed office door, knock, wait, then leave. Then "read."


About 3:30pm, Emily came back from remote observing upstairs with some peeps. I told her my dilemma and how I was quickly dying inside. Next to us, Sean was sitting with his adviser, Avi, whose office is across from G's. Both Avi and Emily said that G was here this morning. The conversation went like this:

Avi: Geronimo was here this morning.
Me: No he wasn't.
Avi: Yes he was.
Me: YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR!!!!
[Emily holds me back as I lunge for his throat].
Avi: He went out to lunch, and then he might have gone somewhere to watch the Argentina world cup game.
Me: GD IT!!
[I eye Avi suspiciously and leave].

Since Emily just had some reading to do, and Mickey was getting his wisdom teeth out, and Sean didn't ride with us that day, we left at 4pm instead of our usual 5pm.

I came home and took a nap.

Speaking of Language... (HA!)

My most recent posts have been evolving... First we had my voice, then we had some language, and now, we get to the meat of it... the juicy, medium-rare, pink and warm in the center, with just the right amount of tender, beefy flavor...

Oh, sorry, I'm back.

Everyone knows that it is totally gay to call something gay these days. Unless you are referring to a gay, then it's a compliment. But in actuality, whenever anyway says something is gay, I think they mean that it is totally awesome because


gay = totally awesome
Q.E.D.


But we are all CRAVING for that one word, preferably one syllable, we can use to describe something that is no longer dumb, lame, or gay... but is...



HET.



Yes, let's start a trend where things that we don't like are referred to by the adjective, 'het' or 'hetero' (if you've got time).

Such as:

"No, I don't want to see Twilight, it's totally hetero."
or
"My brother is dating a girl, that's so het."
or
"Terrorism is totally for hets."


But also, to counteract any Southerners, we should start (continue?) using 'gay' in the correct sense:

"Man, ice cream is so gay!"
or
"Having sex with girls is SUPERGAY!"



USE AND SPREAD MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [If you don't, you're a stupid het].

GD IT

Whenever I can't remember where something funny came from, and when my brother doesn't know either (he has the movie/tv-quote/song-lyric memory of a FOX. (A fox with a REALLY REALLY good memory who seems to know every movie/tv show/song EVER), I figure that Gus Gus was having a really good day that day, and I give him a little treat in his food box.

Well, it was fate that I kept putting off this post until now because I discovered that it was not my mere genius from whence thus phrase came, but it actually came from another much post-worthy brain of awesomeness, a one Liam Sullivan. [If you don't want to check the mastery of awesome that Liam is right now, I will post about him in the future].

Anyway, due to my obscene laziness, I not only need to lessen my energy output through my actions, but also through the number of words I say. [This may seem to be in direct conflict with my previous post where I said I like to talk a lot and loudly... well... SHUT UP. [This doesn't really serve to make me say less or really restrict any energy output, but it's AWESOME SO THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS]].

Back to what I was saying, I, and my friends, now reduce the amount of syllables we say, and actually, the number of swears we swear, through this convenient, and catchy, method:

GFD  IT
(see emphasis rules below, this stands for God Fabulous(!) Damn It).

Or my personal favorite:

JFC!!!!
(I think you can figure it out...) 

So the emphasis is sort of complicated... its sort of a regular emphasis on the first letter, an under-emphasis on the second letter, and an over-emphasis on the third letter. If I had my audio blog I could demonstrate... JFC!!!!

Don't forget the widely popular FML. And of course the 'brb', 'omg', 'lsd' of the internet age.




Not only is it "hip" but it also is a great compromise between you and your religious friends, because technically, you aren't taking our lord and savior's name in vain, just some dumb letters.... that happen to stand for our lord and savior's name... in vain.

Also acceptable is "Jeezy Creezy." It's not blasphemous because it's funny.

But, as I mentioned above, I truly believe that my excessive use of GD was actually... borrowed... from Liam Sullivan in Text Message Breakup, which I just happened to watch last night, mere moments before I began writing this blog. [CONSPIRACY?!?!?!??!]


Along these lines is the ever-popular "mixing of curse levels" such as 'gosh darn fucker,' but this can be difficult to perfect.  [Note: I didn't come up with this. One of my friends introduced me to it. I don't know where he/she/it got it from. But it definitely wasn't his/her/it's brain.]

But back up to the
GFD and JFC.

If you have 'morals' but still get angry, I've got a solution for you!

You can now spell three letter words that describe cute/cuddly/delicious/awesome things with the same emphasis on the third letter, such as:

caT!
or
buN!
or
beD!

But if you need more meaning behind your three-letter word, try:

geD
(this is so dumb/lame, someone with their GED could do it)

flU
(i hate you so much i hope you get sick)

buG
(you really bug me or ew! a bug!)

faT
(man, you're fat)

eaR
(the sound of your voice makes me wish i was deaf)

fuN
(i'm having fun but for some reason im angry about it!)

haM
(ham is delicious but is a complete sidenote!)

You can come up with your own!


And on the subject of language, let me re-introduce my brother. My brother and I are basically the same person, a set of identical twins with un-identical body parts/brains/thoughts/feelings, who were birthed three years apart, but with some thoughts/feelings/ideas in common, that may just be attributed to growing up together. Anyway, like any set of identical twins, we have begun, in our early twenties, to develop our own "twin-language" which no one else knows or understands. The problem with this however, is that everyone understands it and, aiming to be as cool as we are, "takes it as their own." Thus, we are required to constantly evolve our language.

One problem we encounter is that our Mom tries to stay "hip with the latest trends" by adopting our language. [Sidenote: when I say "our" language, I really mean my brother don't speak no good and when funny things come out of his mouth I copy them and claim them as "ours".] For example, we have had to evolve what we call our Gram:

Grandma
Gramsie
G-ram
Gram
Gram Gram
G-town
Etc.

[Further sidenote: And sometimes, his evolution just doesn't suit me, and so I don't recognize said evolution. Ex. Nick moved on to "Gram Gram" which I harbor ill will against, so I continue to call Gram, 'Gram' or 'G-town.']



I think I'm going to start calling her G-Train. Yeah. I like the sound of that. Then I will make a train noise. Then I will get her to act like a train!!!! [VIDEOS TO FOLLOW AS SOON AS I SEE HER].

Further words from our "language":

The Weg (Wegmans)
The Block (Blockbuster)
Scrabb or Scrabbs (Scrabble)
Blok (Blokus)
Don (donut, pronounced like "dome" but with an n)
Def (definitely)
Ridic (ridiculous)

The Simps (The Simpsons)

It's much cooler in actual use...

Basically, you just take the first syllable from the word. AND IT'S COOL.Ya dig? [<-- stolen from Nick].

My Voice

I've always liked the sound of my voice. Don't you? You do.

But I like it, and I think that's one of the reasons I talk so much, and yell all the time, and sit in the UMC meowing for hours. Plus, meowing is fun. Try it. Also try saying this over and over again, trust me, you'll like it: beep boop bop boop beep boop bop boop beep boop bop boop. [Say it fast. It's fun.] [The other reason I talk/make noise all the time is that SO YOU PAY GD* ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!!!!]

*will I ever create that post I keep telling you I am going to? I don't know.

Anyway, back to my voice. IT'S RAD. But not only do I love my voice, I also have a "thing" for voices. Like almost any British accent... Mmmm.... For example, Alan Rickman... YES. YES. YES. If he read any kind of book on tape... I WOULD BUY ALL OF THEM. Even if it was... I don't know... Some book I don't like. And Laura Linney... I like her voice too. And my friend, Peter, can do all these different, funny voices, and we didn't have a book handy, but we had the Nintendo Wii manual for Super Mario and he read that to us in different voices and it was AWESOME. Trust me.


BUT BACK TO ME.
I'm also a pretty good story-teller (I mean, hello, blog). So my friends always come to me, form a circle 'neath my feetsies and say, "Oh Becca! Won't you fancy tell us a story?!" After I take a swig from my bottle o' McCormick's Vanilla Vodka, and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm, I turn over with an indecipherable groan. Then they say, "Oh Becca dearest! A story!" and poke me with sticks. Then I awake with a roar and we strike an agreement that if I tell them a story they will bring me three live sheep with which I may do as I please.

Anyway, my friend Natty B and I had this conversation last night:

Nathanel
"so what have you been up to? you should read your blog out so i can listen to it on my ipod"

Me

"haha, but then you wouldnt get the pictures! they are vital! but i know you want to hear the sound of my voice ;) ;)" 

Nathanael

"while i'm doing it please, i need a coach, you could cheer us on!

Me

"i totally would!"

Nathanael

"you could read the dictionary to us while we got to sleep, and the phone book in the morning, that's my new wish/dream"

Me

"hahaha, im going to blog about this :) :)" 

Nathanael

"that is so hot, don't leave out the part with the beaver:

Me

"haha"

Nathanael

"and by beaver I mean the 25 pound rodent"

Me

"ill put in a picture"

I stay true to my word.

Anyway, I know you all would TOTALLY dig me reading to you. You could pop it in your itunes and I could coach you on as you run, or lull you to sleep with sweet nothings, or give you pointers during sex. And since I'm made of free time, you could give me requests for books you want to hear me read, and I can set forth upon making an mp3 file of my voice. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. 

But seriously, forget this whole "last semester of college" deal. I've got a business to run. 

eBooks by Becca 

"Because not just any voice can bring you to climax."

DROID UPDATE

No, I am not in possession of the DROID INCREDIBLE yet.

But I do have some... disconcerting news. (What does disconcerting mean?)

Deno's new officemate received his Droid yesterday, the 18th. He ordered the Droid on May 29th, a Saturday. It was mailed to him on Wednesday, the 16th.

I ordered my Droid one week after said officemate, on Saturday the 5th. I was told I would need to wait "two and a half weeks" (whatever that means). I am EXPECTING the Droid on Wednesday, the 23rd. HOWEVER, I am suspect to believe that they will only be shipping the Droid on said date. And hopefully, as per Mr. Officemate, I will be receiving it Friday, the 25th.

Now we all know I'm the epitome of patience, and so, I am changing my DATE OF EXPECTATION to Friday, the 25th (although, of course, I will be frantically checking my email beginning Tuesday to see if a package arrived for me at the University of Maryland. I might even stop in after work at the Leonardtown Community Center to make sure they didn't just "forget to email me." Then I will make them check again. Then I will eye them suspiciously and tell them, "You don't understand... I'm expecting the Droid." Then I will wink. They will look left, then right, and wink back. It is at that point they will say it hasn't arrived yet. I will yell, "G F D IT" and slam my fist on the counter. We will both nod at each other and I will leave. Repeat).

Long story short, "four" to "six" "days"...

Scientist Trading Cards

Last night, Emily and I were fartin' around saying random things that popped into our heads while waiting for my newly-bought eggshellcratethingy to unfold (? - to fluff up? I don't know, it was all compressed and needed to "breathe"). [It's one of those foam things you put on your "mattress" (=plastic pad here at UMD) to make it more (= actually) comfortable. I slept on it last night... I need more data.]

Anyway, we were talking, and, I do have to credit Emily that this was her idea, but I am stealing it and patent-pending it and then MUH HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!


She was saying some nonsense about her boyfriend or some guy (or both), and saying how she was talking to him about the lab tour we took and he goes, "Oh, Reggie Hudson?! I know him!" And then she explained to me that he meant that he knows of him, not him personally. Then she (or maybe it was I... I'm kind of fuzzy at this point... hear that courts?!) joked about how he sits there looking at his "scientist trading cards" because he's a nerd like that.

Then I thought to myself, 'HEY! I'm a nerd like that!' Then I said out loud, "BLOG POST!" Which then sparked fisticuffs between me and Emily for the lucrative rights to the scientist trading card monopoly... let's just say she won the battle, but she won't win the war... The war where I sneakily and underhandedly "hire" Asian children to mass-produce my cards in some "clean" sweatshop in some third-world country (does it matter which?), where I have them coat the fronts with a fine film of "cocaine" so as to "addict" the kids to MY brand of scientist trading card because we all know that when alone in the privacy of their own rooms they won't be able to resist the charms of a one Mr. Carl Sagan:

 Not with those dreamy eyes, gazing directly into my soul with the passion of a thousand burning G2V stars...


Or there is also the exceedingly rare and highly coveted, Mr. Albert Einstein:

I mean, this card is practically begging to be licked/kissed/[insert gross fetish here]!!! Maybe, for our " Scientists Gone Wild" line of cards, I'll make one where he licks back. PATENT PENDING!!!


On the back of the cards will be a list of each scientist's publications. Along with favorite food, color, etc. 

NASA: Day 8

It only took a week and a half before I actually began doing something of substance at NASA besides just "reading." I am organizing data into more organized folders and then looking at the data to make sure it looks like it's supposed to... WOOO!!!!!!


So... that's all I have to say for now. No real blog today because:

I AM JUST WAY TOO CUTE RIGHT NOW.

But...

ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID. ONE WEEK TIL DROID.

Meet Ferdinand

One day in March, I decided to take my yearly shower. I was in the shower, doing shower things ;) when for some weird reason, I put my left hand up in front of my face. I noticed this weird, veiny-blue (the color, it didn't look veiny) bump on my ring finger. 

It looked sort of like this:

Haha, that's the 7th picture that pops up when you Google image search "veiny blue." But it did actually sort of look like that.

Anyway, it hurt too! I was like, "Double dang! What the heck?" So I poked at it 'n junk and was like, "Whaaaaa?" So the next day I showed all my friends.

After a couple days, it was still there and still hurt, and it actually hurt a lot, so I sterilized a needle and poked at it. It bled, and after a few pokes on various days, the pain went away.

The bump didn't look like it was going anywhere, so I decided to name it. His name is Ferdinand Xavier Montiescu. And he his my friend. See:

He is smiling because we are friends.

Anyway, I decided I better make an appointment at Wardenburg in case Ferdinand was cancer. So I did. The guy didn't know anything. He poked Ferdinand around, almost to the point where it would have been grounds for a sexual harassment suit. The doctor said I should make an appointment at the Sports Clinic. FINE.

So I did. The closest appointment they had was like 17 weeks away. Whatever. So I finally go to my appointment, and I get an X-ray. Neat! And I'm glad I got one because it gave me something to do for the HOUR+ THEY MADE ME WAIT. Even neater. So I finally get in there. The woman looks at it, says it's a blood blister and it should go away in four to five weeks. BUT IF IT DOESN'T, come back and wait 32 hours and maybe I'll tell you, "Deal with it."

So I left. And waited. Ferdinand didn't hurt anymore, and he wasn't blue either. So four weeks rolled around, which brought us to the end of the semester and finals... yeah, I just had LOADS of free time laying around in which to sit in the Sports Clinic waiting for an answer I could have Googled.

So Ferdinand and I are still chillin'.

I really think that Ferdinand is just a message that I should be frickfrackin' married already. I mean... IT'S ABOUT GD TIME, AM I RIGHT?!?!?

I do have very nice hands though. EXCEPT FOR THAT HUGE CANCEROUS PROTUBERANCE THAT WILL PROBABLY SPAWN ALIENS THAT CAN ONLY SURVIVE ON HUMAN FLESH.

They will look like this:

I'll call him Ferdinand Jr.

Erica? Is That You?

Seeing as it was Friday and the end of my first week at NASA, where I still have no mentor and have been "reading" for seven-ish (upper limit) hours a day, I heckled my fellow interns to accompany me to a colloquium. The title was "Primal Scream: Sounds From the Infant Universe" and the speaker was Mark Whittle from the University of Virginia. We were all interested in attending seminars/colloquia, and this topic seemed interesting (moreso than the aerosols one before it) and so three of us went.

The first amazingness? Mark Whittle is BRITISH. If he ended up talking about colonoscopies for an hour, not only would I be totally enraptured as well as volunteer for his "travel colonoscope," my ears would be having their own relaxing day at the spa listening to the utter sex (no not sexiness, I mean sex) that is the British accent.

The second amazingness you might ask? His talk was for the "non-cosmologist astronomer/scientist public." When he first mentioned this, I thought to myself, "Well, his voice will lull me to a pristine presentation coma into which I tend to fall... all the time." However, he seemed as though his presentation was more the result of him having two presentations, one for the "true" public, as he called it, and one for actual cosmologists, and he mixed and matched when creating this presentation. The point is, as he ran long, he skipped over the boring "math and physics" slides and went straight to the, as Albert put it, "flashy" slides. I dig it.

So by now you are all probably like, "Ok.. so he was British and you could understand half of his presentation... big whoop, wanna fight about it?" ($5 -  name the show) WELL MR. FANCYPANTS, I'll get on with it.

In order to gain support for WMAP, Mark Whittle began public outreach centered on the cosmic microwave background. Long story short, the distortions in the cosmic microwave background are different distances apart, and there are big distortions and smaller distortions. If you think of these "lengths" as wavelengths, then each has a corresponding frequency. Back when the universe was very, very young, there were pressure waves that moved through the "goop." ("Goop" is a scientific word.) Anyway, as the universe spread out, these distortions stretched and change, and thus, the frequencies of the universe stretched and changed. These pressure waves/frequencies are sound waves. Whittle and friends did fancy things with these sound waves so that we can hear them. [Sorry if I totally destroyed that description...]


Long story short, WE CAN HEAR THE SOUNDS FROM THE VERY EARLY UNIVERSE. Whittle showed us a slide that mapped the age of the universe (14 billion years) onto a human life. If a human life is about 80 years long, cosmic microwave background (and thus the sound) would be from 14 hours after conception. Stop. Think about it.

DANG!

Anyway, Whittle kept joking, "Well, that doesn't sound quite like a choir of heavenly angels, does it?" And we all shared a laugh.

But that triggered in my conspiracy mind that WHAT IF the sounds are actually a message...


YEAH.


A message. FROM "GOD."


Now, just hear me out. A MESSAGE FROM "GOD." Saying something like, "Don't fuck it up AGAIN, humans. Seriously." Or, "In 1985 AD, there will be born one who will rise up to challenge me and it is written that she will win. Her name will be Rebecca Lynne Mickol." Or some shit like that.

But seriously! And basically, the early sounds of the universe sound like "noise" to us... but what if it isn't noise! What if it's ALIENS?!?!?!??!

COME ON PEOPLE!!!!


Now, as I left the presentation (unfortunately, we were unable to stay for the Q and A period), I was hoping the sounds would be posted online so that I could really get this conspiracy going.

You NEED to check this out. I'm not saying, "Hey all you guys! Check this out if you have time or are bored while taking a poop." I am saying, "STOP WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE DOING (masturbating) AND LISTEN TO THIS GD ALIENSPEAK!"

Mark Whittle: Big Bang Acoustics... or... ALIENS? You decide.

But I really, really encourage you all to check this out. I mean, the presentation was kind of flashy, but it WORKED. It really was great. And once you do read it and listen to it, let me know so we can get our conspiracy on!!!!

New Layout

I really like it. Your thoughts?

Views on colors 'n junk?

Bare With Me

Fellow Citizens!

"What do you mean I don't have my own country yet? That can't be right... I'll get someone on that. Minion! Come here!" *Becca stops stopwatch, looks at minion, looks at stopwatch, looks at minion, raises eyebrow, minion gives self wedgie* "Very good. Now, minion, why don't I own my own country yet? And I don't want one of those poor, weird-sounding countries no one's heard of, with all those consonants, I want a country like... Oh, let's say, Ecuador. Can you do that for me, minion?" *minion trembles, Becca looks away, and with a flutter of her hand* "Be gone, away with you." *Becca sighs and looks down at her pedicurist* "Oh, the things I have to deal with." *in an airy breath, a slight laugh at the end, still talking to the pedicurist* "Yep, that's the toe I was talking about. Grotesque, right? Only word for it. Enjoy!"

As I was saying, I just wanted to post a post saying I have eight hundred thousand posts to post, but only so many minions to dictate to while other minions feed me grapes and yet other minions fan me with huge palm fronds that still other minions retrieved from the Jurassic Period by use of a time machine I commissioned (does that imply I paid them?) from further minions. Life is hard for me. And so, it is to you, dear reader, that I say thus:

Plees bare with mi az Googul haz provighdid nu blogg dzine templits 4 migh blahhhging plehzure. Allsew, bare with mi az eye fined thyme 2 right migh 8 hunnndread thouzend [awsum] nu poesssts.

Thanc ewe.

[Becca would like it noted that Minion #432753-5736B was sufficiently reprimanded for his dictation.]

A Rant!: Peeing

.




You know what really GRINDS MY GEARS?

Fucking PEEING. That's what.

But seriously, first off, I have like an overactive bladder. At least, I have to pee SEVERAL times a day, at most, every hour. What is with this inefficiency? Like for real though. Have our digestion systems/bladders just not evolved? Did evolution focus on our highly complex brains capable of cognition? But don't you even think about continuing that stream of thought while you have another stream aching in your abdomen begging to be released.

For real. Peeing totally gets in my way. I'll be sitting, I may be quite comfortable in fact, farting around on the Internet, and I have to pee. I'm comfortable, I don't want to get up, and I'm not an old man (yet), so I hold it. Three episodes of Family Guy later, the pee's pounding on the door. With a sledgehammer. UGH. So I get up, walk to the bathroom, undo my belt, lower my pants, take a seat, AND THEN THERE IS SOMEONE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR. I can hear them listening to me. I can't go now! Yet the anxious urine is roiling inside my bladder, like a tidal wave against... whatever keeps the pee from coming out. It's churning inside your bladder, but the perv outside the door won't leave! Or maybe they did leave. Now you just don't know! You were too consumed with agony at the inescapable urine and the eavesdropping-tom outside the door!

This happens on road trips too. Your father only stops when absolutely necessary (read: when he has to pee) and so you jump out the minivan, knocking over some fat kid sweating because his van doesn't have air conditioning. You get into the disgusting rest stop bathroom, and after looking through five stalls, finally fine one "suitable." You clean off the seat with lots of toilet paper, lay some down because you don't want to get pregnant, undo your belt, pull down your pants and pop a squat. "Ahhhh..." you prematurely think. "Come on, pee. It's go time." But nope. The pee's just  fucking with you. It's all acting like it wants to come out, but it doesn't really care where it is: bladder, toilet, mattress, foe's "lemonade." It's been at least ten minutes now (but it feels like an eternity), and you KNOW your dad WILL leave without you, so you give one more push... nothing.

But I'm not really sure what's worse. Some perv listening to you, or having to pee all snuggled up in bed.

This happens to me... basically nightly. I'm not exaggerating. I even asked to be tested for diabetes I was peeing so much. Anyway, I'll get ready for bed, AND go to the bathroom before I settle down into Its Excellency (or, here at UM, plastic pad). Let's say it ends up being 30 minutes between the time I go to the bathroom and get in bed. Now, I am trying to get to sleep, when I feel a little "tap tap tap" on my bladder door. "It's nothing," I think, "the urine just swished around in my bladder as I rolled over." You try to go to sleep. In what seems like only a matter of minutes, the urge is unbearable. You don't want to get up. You just went to the bathroom. You are all cozy in bed... you wait... But the pee always wins.

So there are a few options, you could wear Depends.

But you would 1. still need to take them off/change them or 2. lie in urine for the night/road trip.

You could just pee your pants, but then you have the Depends options above but also are weird and will smell like urine. So the only choice is to succumb to the call of the Almighty Urine and release it into a toilet/bucket/glass of lemonade.

But at least us girls don't have to worry about that other form of waste because we don't do things like that. That's just pure sin leaking out of those boys.

Lemonade anyone? It's fresh.

Day Two At NASA: Awesome Findings

This is going to be a very brief post, but hopefully, I will write another today... but I'm TIRED.

Anyway, as I was venturing around Building 34 looking for a bathroom, I found some awesomeness.

There are not one, but two, COUNT 'EM, TWO, lactation rooms, for all your lactation needs:

Unfortunately, they were both vacant when I went on lunch... Sad day :(

 

But there are MORE THAN ENOUGH showers to go around. The stipulation is that one woman and one man must shower together. And there is a pole in the middle for your showering pleasure. And for the kinky type:

 

One man. One woman. One pole. One wheelchair. GO. 

I also thought this was really interesting:

 

My dad, mom, godmother, and others used to work at this place (my dad the longest) and then it was bought by Compaq, which was bought by HP. BUT WHAT IS IT DOING AT NASA?!?!??! 

Do I smell another conspiracy? Or do I just need to shower? RIDDLE ME THIS.

First Day at NASA!!!

Today was the first day of my internship at that heavenly being we call NASA. I was freaking the freak out yesterday because I realized I forgot my passport and need two forms of government-issued ID in order to get my badge at Goddard Space Flight Center. Carla is my fan-freaking-life saver because she overnighted my passport to me today. Let's all give her a round of applause. CLAP YOU FUCKERS!

Anyway, here is how my day went.

I woke up at 8:30am, because our program coordinator was picking us up at 10am to take us over to Goddard. I actually woke up before my alarm, but my roommate woke up without an alarm and left before I got up... I was a bit worried, but thought maybe she went out for coffee or something. I got out of bed quickly (it's easy to do here because THEY LAMESUCK). I showered and then waited around until 10am. I went outside and my roommate was nowhere to be found, but three other peeps were. We met Corrie and she took an awkward picture of us. Corrie drove me, Mickey, Sean and Emily, and Luca drove himself. It's about a 30-minute drive to Goddard from UM, and we all talked briefly. As we approached the entrance, Corrie told us about the security guards and we all shared a few laughs. I had asked her when we got in if we needed our passport, and she wasn't sure.

We got to the entrance gate, and Corrie parked so that we could go get our temporary badges. Luckily, they only needed a Driver's License (or one form of government-issued ID) today.

That is Corrie in the picture.

My sweet temporary badge. Unfortunately, we don't get to keep them :( :( :( HOW LAMESUCK.

On Friday, I have an appointment at 9:15am (!!!!) to get fingerprinted and need to provide two forms of government-issued ID then.

After we all got our badges, Corrie drove to Building 22 and she got Luca set up with his mentor. Then she drove the rest of us to Building 34.

That is Sean in the picture.

It is the newest building at Goddard.

My mentor isn't here this week (apparently he heard I was arriving and skipped town), but this is the government so they will find him and bring him back (actually, he is observing in Chile... sure...). Emily's mentor, Boncho (yes, that is his real name - frickin' awesome!), works closely with Geronimo (yes, that is my mentor's real name, dig it!), and so I hung out with them. Corrie showed us our computers, which are a row of Macs along a wall. Check this out:

OH YEAHHHHHH

Boncho then asked Emily and I a little about ourselves, and told us about himself and Geronimo. Then he gave us a small "introduction" to spectra and things... and I knew everything he was talking about! Woo!!!!!

Then it was time for lunch, so Boncho took Emily and I across the street to a deli-sandwich-ish type place. Sean came with his mentor, Avi, too. We talked, and Avi is actually from NY as well (just outside NYC though). I asked if he knew about Wegmans, and he said yes, but obviously wasn't as thrilled about it as I was/am (and my mom called me today too to tell me that there is one here. HOLLER!). There is 1 Wegmans in Maryland, and 6 in Virginia, and the three closest ones are all about an hour away... IT IS WORTH IT THOUGH. I'll probably make at least one trip...

Anyway, after lunch, Boncho finished his "introduction" and then gave me some reading to do. I am working with IDL (yay! (only because I have used it before)), and so he gave me a book to read. Also, Geronimo wants me to read about radiative transfer (um... yay?) and so Boncho is going to get me a book on that. So I went downstairs to my computer and wrote some emails before getting to work. Then Boncho told us there was a video-conference-y presentation if we wanted to go to it. So Sean, Emily and I got up and went into the room, and Corrie was there. It was some person from... somewhere talking about life at the bottom of the ocean and under the sea floor. It wasn't enthralling, but it lasted from 2pm to about 3:15pm. Then we returned to our computers, I read a section in the IDL book, and then it was time for Corrie to take us back to UM.

 MINE.









All in all, it was a great first day. Not too long, Boncho was extremely nice and funny. He also told Emily and I that he could talk to us about grad schools and such because he knows the "inside info." He also told me that Geronimo is, in his opinion, the best in the world when it comes to analyzing spectra for biosignatures, so that is freaking fan-awesome-tastic-magorical because I want to analyze spectra of extrasolar planets for biosignatures to find life on other planets to make millions and billions of dollars... so I'm headed in the right direction :)

When we got back to campus, I drove Mickey, Sean, Emily and I to a grocery store (not Wegmans, sad face) to get some foodstuffs. Then I met some girl to get my parking permit (FINALLY). Then I cooked some rice pilaf and teriyaki chicken. Then I wrote this post. Now, I'm thinking about peeing because I have to go soooooooooooooooo bad. Still thinking about it. Oops.. not thinking about it anymore... it'll dry. Too bad I used all my Febreze on my bed to cover the smell for Carla. I mean, what?

Sunday Update... on Monday

What up, hos??!?!?!!!!

So let's see, when was my last post? I'll have to look. Hold on a second.

Ok back. So my last post was Saturday. Let me tell you about Sunday. I got up FREAKISHLY EARLY (at like noon... which is TEN AM Boulder time... which is GD* early for me on a weekday, let alone the weekend, when I typically just don't get up).

*still need to write a post about this... I'll get to it...

Anyway, Sunday... Sunday... I think I did a bunch of nothing, caught up on Tahlia's blog, and took a shower. Then I took an hour nap. When I woke up and it was only an hour later, I immediately verified that the laws of physics still held in the universe and attributed it to some freak accident (or the highly uncomfortable aspect of the plastic pad they call a mattress here). Anyway, it was 2:45pm, and I was going to meet Albert for dinner at his place at six. So I had some time to kill. I talked to some peeps on the phone and watched some It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. [Seriously, it gets funnier with every episode I watch, I highly recommend it.]

I left for the Metro station at 5:30pm, because I wasn't exactly sure where it was. I talked to my Grandma while I walked there. This post is boring the life out of me, so I'm gonna wrap things up: I met Albert, we got some Mexican for dinner, and had some hilarious conversations (one is blog-worthy and you will see it soon...ish.).

But this is funny.
So if you are my friend, you know I love Diet Coke/Coke Zero. And just to refresh everyone's meager minds, here is my favorites list, in order:

1. Fountain Diet Coke
2. Coke Zero in a can
3. Diet Coke in a bottle.
4. Mountain Dew
5. Diet Coke in a can.

I don't like Fountain Coke Zero at all, and it's okay in a bottle. Anyway, Albert and I were having a discussion about pop (YES. IT IS 'POP.' IT IS NOT 'SODA.' YOU'RE DUMB). We were talking about how hard it is to cut pop (!) out of our diets, and I said it never has been or ever will be possible for me. I also mentioned I'd eat aspartame by the spoonful if it were socially acceptable (you people and your "it's absolutely horrible and destroys your insides and causes global warming!!!" are just part of some uglydumb conspiracy). Anyway, in our discussion, I noticed that on the Diet Coke can there was a heart. I used this in my defense and said, "See! It's healthy!" Then I also noticed that the can said, "Join Diet Coke in support of women's heart health programs.*" This furthered my position that Diet Coke is protecting me from aliens and terrorists. Albert noticed the asterisk that conveniently, didn't catch my eye and wondered what it read. It said, "*Participation by Coca-Cola does not imply endorsement by HHS/NIH." (Those acronyms stand for Health and Human Services, and National Institute of Health). I then loudly asserted that "**Participation by Becca does imply endorsement by Becca." Albert then took this picture, after I was secretly handed a check from The Coca-Cola Company.

Then I took a sip from the can and loudly said, "Mmmmm... Aspart-awesome!" And Coke handed me another check.


After dinner, Albert and I went back to his apartment to drop off his leftovers, and I took the opportunity to take some pictures of the city from his balcony:

That is the Washington Monument in the center.

The Capitol Building is just behind the red building in the center. You can see the right edge of the white dome.


Bigger pictures here.



It's a pretty sweet view, I must say. Also, the road in the second picture, that has the two white cars on it... basically, Albert said if you walk down that road for about 20 minutes, you end up at the White House.

I'm coming, Hillary!!! Meet you there!!!! [Some of you don't know, but I am going to be Hillary's Monica].

DIBS.



Those things are just POPPING out of the page at me.








Anyway, after picture-taking at Albert's, we went to Nellie's, a gay sports bar. [No, there were guys there too!!!] It was getting late (and dark), and so after Albert made me drink TWO beers, I walked back to the metro to return to UM. I was afraid I might get killed on the way, but alas, I didn't.

It's aspart-astic!!!

Thoughts From Driving Cross-Country Written on a Boulder Baked Box

I just drove cross-country from Colorado to D.C., and had lot's of time to sit and think. [You know, for the hours I spent just sitting... I really didn't think that much... thanks Vivian!]

Gus Gus has many fleeting thoughts that arise in his little brain (wait... does HE have a smaller hamster in HIS brain???) and due to their fleeting nature, I decided I should write them down. Now, I could have just reached behind me and gotten a piece of paper that was, literally, RIGHT THERE, but I didn't. I decided to write my ideas on a Boulder Baked box that was sitting next to me.

That's spelled C L A S S Y.


As such, here are my cross-country realizations for your reading pleasure (in no particular order... unless you consider the order in which I wrote them down particular):

1. On the road, old people and cops are practically the same.
Reasons:
- they both drive really slow
- they both drive big, old-person-y cars
- they both smell


2. I hate slow drivers who are in the "fast" lane and won't move over so you have to go around them.
Like really, just move over. If I am going faster than you (and I am), then you should be in the "slow" lane and I should be in the "fast" lane. When more than one car is forced to go into the non-passing lane to pass you, you shouldn't be in the fast lane.

3. I love my gps, Vivian.
If I hadn't had Vivian on this trip to "recalculate" when I missed a turn, I would have ended up in the backyard of some Southerner who is teaching me to make homemade meth in a bathtub... wait... that doesn't sound too bad...

4. I hate fast food.
It makes me feel dirty inside.

5. I need a camera that can take good pictures in a moving car.
6. I need a warning sign when I photo opportunity arises.
These two are related. I am unsatisfied with the pictures taken from my phone camera, and if I had used my regular camera, it would have been too hard to take the picture and pick the setting and get the flash, blah blah blah. Also, I missed many a "Welcome to [INSERT STATE]" sign because they come out of nowhere. And many a funny billboard (such as that advertising a barbeque place that showed three pigs' butts and said "Eat our butts," as well as many of Jesus). I also missed the rebuilding of the ark (in Maryland I think...).

7. 75% of cars on the road look like cops.
- white cars can be cop cars
- dark cars can be cop cars
- cars, trucks or SUVs can be cop cars
- cars with ski racks can be cop cars
- cars driving slow can be cops
- cars driving fast can be cops
- fords and chevys can be cop cars
- old people cars can be cop cars


8. If I were left-handed, I could not be writing this list.
Legibly anyway.

9. Construction speed traps are dumb.
Indiana likes to play this game. Driving through the state, maybe 10% of "Construction Area Ahead, Reduce Speed" were accurate. Seriously, there would be a sign announcing a construction area, and telling you to reduce your speed, and there was nary a single orange cone to be seen. Then in a couple miles, there would be a sign saying "End Construction Zone." It got old. Fast. A few other states liked doing this too.

10. Number of tires >> amount of roadkill
This saddens me, especially because I was getting REAL sick of fast food, and bloody, gory death turns me on. Anyway, there were FAR more shredded tires on the road than roadkill. I saw *maybe* 5 animals, but over 10 tires. Maybe all the fresh roadkill was taken before I got a chance to view it... lucky ducks.

11. I am going to start selling Kentucky Jelly (because no one else is, or is advertising anyway).
As I was driving through Kentucky, I REALLY REALLY wanted to see a billboard advertising KY Jelly. Hehehe. Wouldn't that be great thought? Becca's Kentucky Jelly! HEYOOOO!!!!!!!!

12. MY. BUTT. HURTS.

13. People like naming creeks after beavers.
:)

I'd have more if I started thinking before the last day of my trip. Oh well. There's always the return ride.

PHOTODOC DAY THREE TRAVELS

HI EVERYBODY!!!!! (Hi Dr. Nick!)

So I have finally made it to my destination, the University of Maryland at College Park.

Last night, I got to Washington, D.C. around 9pm and then finally made my way to my friend's apartment. Vivian has seriously been a lifesaver, and I would still be stuck in KansASS still (NOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOO!!!!). Driving in DC wasn't bad... there are double yellow lines and I was like, "Whaaaaaaaaa?" and then the roads turn at like different places and there's no street signs and tons of lights and the road continues but there's three new directions and you're like, "WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?"

Like this:

SERIOUSLY. Like look at Connecticut Ave NW and R Street... there's like SEVENTEEN ROADS THERE. WHICH ONE DO I TAKE???????

Luckily, Vivian likes to "recalculate" and it's GREAT.

Anyway, let's start at the beginning:

So I set my alarm for 10:30am on June 4th, hoping to leave by 11:30am-ish. I got up at noon. Check out was at noon. So I threw things around and then checked out and then sat in my car.

Isn't it weird how you don't remember things from an hour ago, let alone a day ago? Yeah.

So then I drove. On this leg of the trip, I drove through Kentucky, West Virginia, Maryland, and D.C.

Throughout my venture, I kept seeing signs that would just say, "ADULT." Technically (age-wise, not mentally), I am an adult, and so I wondered if I should go there. Is it where adults congregate? Is it like a weigh station for trucks, but for people? Are you required to stop there in your travels? I had so many questions and no answers... and J.J. Abrams was nowhere to be found. Then I wondered, "Why doesn't it say "Adults" instead of "Adult"? Can there only be one adult at a time?

I guess I'll never know...

WOOOOOEEEEEEEEEWOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEWOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEE!!!!!! That's my siren/alarm noise and that means its WALMART TIME PEOPLE!!!!!!


So I needed some gas and I just *knew* there would be a WalMart here, so I stopped.

I think it's somewhere in West Virginia. Anyway, not too great of creatures, but I'm getting better at taking pictures.

She had a great walk. She was struttin' her stuff. UH UH UH.

This woman was sportin' some sweet crocs. And anyone who wears crocs is dib-worthy. Usually. Because Crocs are disgusting. And I don't want to hear "but they are comfortable," I'd rather put pieces of glass in my sneakers and walk ten thousand miles (when all I need is a spoon) than wear crocs.

OLD LADY TIME. Two of these ladies were in line in front of me at the checkout, and the checkout lady was also old... IT WAS A TRIFUCKTA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! (Get it?!?!?! Ask your mom to explain it.)

 This woman was pretty rad.

See here for more WalMartians... They aren't of the caliber of People of WalMart... BUT I'M WORKING ON IT.


Maryland snuck up on me like the dirty whore it is, so I didn't catch the sign. But there was this one:

The yellow sign should say, "is delicious."

So today's drive was bend-y (I can't say wind-y because it's not windy... it's windy... see the problem?!?!?), but very green! It was really pretty green. But it was hilly. And my car doesn't like hills. AT ALL. And I think my fuel gauge is messed up... so YAY! Long story short, I had to pay attention this entire drive which isn't how I like to drive. The first two days I just put the car on cruise control, laid in the back and took a nap. But West Virginia and Maryland are WAYYYYYYY hilly and wind-y and junk. But it was pretty. See pictures here.


Me taking a break to be FUCKING AWESOME:

Oh, and my butt was REALLY HURTING by this point:

Mmmmm... that's a present for you.

This is in Maryland:

It's Sideling Hill. Neat.

ALMOST THERE!!!!!

So I didn't take any pictures when I got to D.C. because it was really dark and I was meeting a friend and blah blah blah DEAL WITH IT. But I will take a picture of my mileage tomorrow and determine how far I drove. Except that I drove around and did some errands today but WHATEVER.

Anyway, I got to my friend's apartment and he has such a great view! You can see the Washington Monument and the Capitol from his window. There is also a rooftop patio which is sweeeeeeeeeeeetttttt. I will take pictures when I am back there and it's daytime.

So my friend and his roommate and I went to Town, a gay club about a block from his house. 

COME SEE HOW GOOD I LOOK.

I'd do me.



After we got to the club, there was a pageant going on upstairs:

Downstairs, 3oh!3 came on the screen! Since Albert and I lived in Boulder, we both took a picture of the screen because WE ARE COOL LIKE THAT. His roommate lived in Boulder but didn't take a picture... how lamesuck of him.

After a little bit, a drag show started downstairs (this week is Pride!!!)!! YAY!!! The first couple queens were great, and then it went real downhill, so we went upstairs to dance since the pageant was over.

[SIDENOTE: I HAVE PRESENTS FOR SOME PEOPLE (6 readers, I think) FROM TOWN AND IT IS AWESOME AND YOU WILL LOVE IT. If you know you aren't included in the six but want a present, let me know, I will probably be going back there.]

After the club, we all went back to Albert's apartment, and went to the roof and hung out and talked for EVER. Then we went to bed... separately :( or did we????? ;)


In the morning, I showered, and as soon as I turned off the water, the fire alarm went off... NEAT! Albert ran out screaming, and his roommate waited for me as I got dressed. Yes, we took the elevator. We stood outside for a few minutes, and then it turned off. Later, we learned someone had pulled the alarm. What a lamesuck, uglydumb person they must be.

Then Albert and I walked to DC Noodles and ate lunch. Then he walked me back and I left for University of Maryland.

I got here and met the program coordinator. She handed me my keys and said, "See you Monday!" then peaced. I probably smelled.

I brought most of my shizzzzz in, and sweated off seven pounds in the process. Luckily the apartment is air-conditioned. But as I was unpacking, I was still sweating uncontrollably. Neat. Isn't humidity great? (It isn't).

It's so humid here that I literally sweated my dick off. Like seriously, I have no dick anymore. My friend commented that that was weird considering how big it was. I agreed. But it's just that humid. And I sweated my balls off the previous day.


The apartment is sort of a common area-thingy. There is a kitchen and a "family room" with some couches. There are two double rooms and two singles. I have a roommate, she's from Moscow, and just graduated from a university in Virginia. She seems cool. I don't know if they have "pillow fights in your underwear" in Russia, so I'm nervous about bringing it up. Also, anytime she says anything like, "I have to go to the bathroom," I am going to respond with, "In Soviet Russia, bathroom goes you" in my best (worst?) Russian accent. She'll love it, it'll be great. TEN SHORT WEEKS!!!! One of my friends thinks it'll be two weeks before she asks for a new room assignment... I said, "that long?"


Saving the best for last, I FOUND A VERIZON AND ORDERED MY FUCKING DROID TODAY. I am so unbelievably excited, its unbelievable. Is it here yet? I hope so. It should get here in 2.5 weeks. Someone tell me when that is. [I am so used to Vivian telling me everything I need to know for the last three days that I have decided not to wake Gus Gus up for anything anymore.]

Woo!! DROID!!! I got a red case and a car charger and a bluetooth and some screen protectors and I am thinking of cuddling with the Verizon bag when I sleep tonight, in hopes the Verizon fairy will visit sooner than 2.5 weeks.

But I am also worried that the Droid will not arrive because the guy I worked with at the store was... RETARDED. It must have been his first day. AND HIS LAST. (HA!) Just kidding... it wasn't that bad because I knew exactly what I wanted, AND HOW TO GET IT. But we spent, legit, 30 minutes of me telling him how to put my campus address into the store's system. But in 2.5 weeks, I'll forget all about it. But I did remember his name in case I need to go back and yell and do some face-in-wall smashing. It's John.

Um... there were more things I wanted to say, but I forgot what they were. Hmm... Hmm...


Well, I am hanging out tonight. Gonna watch Blades of Glory with my friend in Colorado. We are both gonna start the movie at the same time. It'll be like we are watching it together! And then at a predesignated spot, we will both stop watching the movie and start "watching" the movie... if you know what I mean. I'M EXCITED.

Tomorrow, I might be hanging out with Albert some more. Then on Monday... THINGS HAPPEN. I'm scared. But this entire week is Pride in D.C., and then on Saturday, they are airing one of the World Cup games in DuPont Circle, and then the parade is afterward. YAY!