Your Baby Ate Whaaaaat?!!?!?!

I CANNOT FIGURE OUT THE FONT FORMATTING SO DEAL WITH IT. Love you.


A few weeks ago I was sitting at my friend’s house “studying.” And by “studying,” I mean, “flipping through the online TV guide to see what was on.” I was flipping through the channels and I saw the title, “Your Baby Ate Whaaaaaat?” (Note: Number of “a”s unknown, as well as presence of the “t” or not… but I think the “t” was there, and there were five or six “a”s.) Anyway, I HAD to see what this was. So I flipped to that channel (TLC). And it is exactly what the title implies: it is a TV show that, in an Unsolved Mysteries-like fashion, dramatizes scenarios in which babies or kids (see below) put something non-edible in their mouths. The show then goes through the steps and hospital visits, interviewing doctors and family members, to see what becomes of said object (referring to the baby, not the thing they swallowed). Now, it is true that babies/kids will put whatever they can/want in their mouth (I still do) and so this particular episode wasn’t all that intriguing. One baby ate a battery, and another kid swallowed a charm from her necklace. And since I wasn’t captivated by this episode, I thought of some easy ways that TLC could better promote this show, along with appealing more to a TBS-ish audience.

So with the title, “Your Baby Ate Whaaaaaaaat?,” what comes to mind? If you answered “a big black woman,” you’d be correct. Now, I didn’t see the introduction to the show, but I picture a baby putting something in their mouth, and a MoNique-type person pops up on the screen and goes, “Your baby ate whaaaaaat?!” in a sort of high-pitched squeal. In addition, when the show reproduces the scenario of the child eating the object, Mo’nique would pop up in one of the bottom corners to provide a running commentary:

“Oh! That baby so cute! Look at that little onesie! Oh! Oh no baby! Oh no! Baby what you got in your hand? No, baby! No baby! No baby, don’t put that in your mouth! No baby, don’t eat that! Baby! OH NO HE DI’N’T!!!!”

Followed by the show’s title: “Your baby ate whaaaaaaat!!!!???” End scene.

It might look something like this:

I’d like to clear the air and affirm that I’m not racist.