BECCA ANGRY

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As any of you who have crossed me know, I can have an anger 'problem' sometimes. Or I like to blame smashing your face into a wall on my anger 'problem.' I mean, it's not a problem if it gets the job done, am I right?


I. AM. RIGHT.



This is me when I'm angry:


I'm angry, but I'm still HILARIOUSLY cute. It's another 'problem' I have.

Anyway, the point of this post is that there have been those who have ventured to cross me in the past week and I am going to see to it that THEY PERISH INHUMANELY AT THE HANDS OF RABID POSSUMS.

I won't bore you with the boringness that is my adviser telling me I need five credits when I tell her I only need one and then I sign up for six credits and then later she tells me, "Oh, you only need one."Or the person at Continuing Ed saying I need to go to Financial Aid and then Financial Aid telling me I can only pay at Continuing Ed.

I won't tell you about the people who think that I am made not only of time, but also of money. THE JERKS.

No, I am going to tell you about the people who really grind my gears. The ones who really crumble my cookie. And let me tell you, I LIKE MY COOKIES INTACT.


And I'm just going to preface my rant by saying, "Yes, maybe I am unreasonably angry about these events. DEAL WITH IT." And then you'll say, "No, YOU deal with it." And I'll say, "I'LL DEAL WITH YOU." And then I'll smash your face into a wall. Everyone wins.

Let's get started, shall we?

Many of you know that I WANT THE FUCKING NEW DROID (because I won't shut up about it). Well, when I was in NY earlier this month, my fam and I went to Verizon SO I COULD GET IT. Well, as we were waiting, this guy comes up to us and starts telling us stories from the Bible. As he's talking, he takes breaks from the story of King David watching someone sunbathing or something to tell my Mom she's a great mom and to tell my brother he's a great son. He asked me to hold his cane.

Finally, the Verizon guy comes up to us and says, "You don't have any upgrades available yet." After I smash his face into the wall, I say, "I know, but it's in a few days, and I want the Droid and I'm moving to DC for the summer, so... DROID ME." Then he's all, "Blah blah NO." So I stomp away angrily.

Then I realize I have some actual questions, so we sign up again. We get the same guy. I do one of these:
And I go, "Aaaaaaaggggguuuuuuuhhhhhhhh."

Then I say, "Ok, I have some real questions." Then I ask him real questions, but he doesn't know anything. Then he says, "Well, let me ask my manager." He leaves for like twenty minutes, and then comes back out and realizes his manager is out here. Long story short, I LEAVE DROIDLESS. He says something about the Droids being on a two-week back-order, but that Colorado might have them in stock. I am forced to wait until I return to Colorado to attend a Verizon there to GET MY DROID.

I arrive in Colorado and am running some errands with my friend Sarah (name drop!) and we stop in a Verizon. I talk to someone and they tell me the same thing I heard two weeks ago.... That the Droids are on a two-week back-order. I tell them to "Shove it" and I leave.

I figure I will have to wait until I get to DC, to go to a Verizon there, and for them to tell me they are on a two-week back-order. But then I will hopefully know my address and I CAN GET MY DROID ALREADY.

Don't you just want to put it on vibrate and.... have sex with it???

Amongst my other errands, I got a new antenna for my car at Car Toys. I noticed they were an authorized Verizon seller persony thing, and I asked them if they have the Droid. THEY TOLD ME THEY HAD THEM IN STOCK. I told them that no one else had them, and that they were on two-week back-order and they said that "Sometimes they get phones before the actual Verizon store." I eyed him suspiciously, but was overcome with DROIDJOY that I let it slide. I asked if I could use my upgrade here and blah blah blah and they said YES. So I told them I would be back on May 25th, the day I was eligible for my upgrade, and they said they would put one on hold for me. [Also, when they fixed my antenna, they didn't properly hook my radio back up, so had to deal with that too...]

Anyway, the 25th arrives and I wake up bright and early at 1pm to GET MY DROID ON. I enter Car Toys with hesitation because I know how things in my life go. Some guy comes up to me and I tell him I have a Droid on hold in the back. He goes back to look, comes back out without one, and talks to his manager. The manager tells me, "Um, no one has the Droid. They aren't even made yet." The guy I had talked to originally (the week before) was next to the manager and said, "Oh, I hoped they would come in before you got here."


FUCKIN' SWEET. NEVER GO TO CAR TOYS. THEY ARE A BUNCH OF LYING LIARS WHO TELL LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The other day I was at the bank. My bank is next to Verizon, so I decided to stop in and just ask, "WHEN WILL THE FUCKING DROIDS BE MADE MOTHERFUCKER?" The sign-in lady didn't know, but said she could put me on the list to talk to someone. She puts me on there and then says, "It'll be about 30 minutes." I leave (after I smash her face into the wall).


So that's my Droid story.



Now onto just my day today.


My landlord is a Douchey McDoucheBag, and there is some sort of sawdusty-but-not-sawdust all over the laundry room in my apartment complex. It's in the washers, in the dryers, all over. Our landlord doesn't feel like taking care of it.

I am leaving for DC in a few days, and need to do laundry. So I sucked it up, showered, got dressed, and brought all my laundry, including my sheets 'n junk, to my car, with my computer and backpack to spend a few hours watching Cops at the laundromat. (Seriously, Cops is on, the laundromat attendant loves it - she keeps going, "Oh!" and "Wow, that's a lot" when the cops find drugs.)

Anyway, some of my neighbors like playing soccer in the parking lot and use the cars as goals, so one of them was out there and I tried to hit him as I was leaving. But he flagged me down and told me I had a flat tire. I took out my shank and carved out a smiley face in his spleen. (He doesn't need it anyway). Then I parked, got out and looked at the flat tire, and cursed the Aztec Gods for my luck.

Let me also state I just bought these tires this week at Firestone. After yelling some grotesque obscenities at some passing children, I got out my phone and called AAA. My membership wasn't going to expire until June 10, but I renewed it, also last week, because of my drive to DC. Well, the lady says my account is suspended, and has been for a while. I tell her I was a customer last year as well and hadn't had a problem and she goes, "But the computer is telling me your account is suspended." She then proceeds to tell me that if I have the receipt from my renewal (which I do), I can just pay for the service and then go to AAA and get refunded or whatnot. I say fine. Then she says, "Well, actually, you need to pay $96 to reinstate your membership before I can do anything." I place a hex on her mother and hang up.

In this time, I tried calling Firestone about 3 times, because that is where I bought my tires, along with roadside damage insurance, but its 5pm on Sunday, so they weren't open or JUST NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS even though I give them like $500 a week because my car BLOWS.

Anyway, I'm overcome with the urge to smash someone's face into a wall, and so I go back inside. Mike is there and I tell him my woes, and he says he knows how to fix a flat. I tell him I'll buy him dinner, and we haggle it out to three dinners and back massage and we venture out to fix my flat. I stand there like a helpless woman as he fixes it. I then say, "Screw it" and I come to the laundromat to do my laundry anyway because there's no other time I can get it done.


Oh, and since tomorrow is Memorial Day, Firestone or AAA won't be open. HOT.

Looks like they should rename tomorrow "Smashing Faces into Walls Day."