Pedophilia Runs in My Family

Many of you have heard about or were present during this story, but it needs to be told online-ically so that IT LIVES ON FOREVER (ever) (ever) (ever) (ever)...

It so happened to be Easter Sunday and T, D and I were hanging tight with Jeezy Creezy at our local Barnes and Noble. T and I were "studying for quantum" (= looking longingly out the window at the beautiful, sunny freedom just outside our grasp) while D was fartin' around on the internet and JC was reading a steamy romance novel from the Erotica section we were sitting next to. He started reading a particularly visual scene out loud to us, but T AND D MADE ME STOP because we were "in public". Did I say me? Because that's what I meant.

Anyway, as I said, T and I were "studying" when I quickly glanced up and thought I saw a man reading a 'Pedophilia for Dummies' book, but in actuality, it was a 'Pre-diabetes for Dummies' book (you can see where my mind was/is). The rest of the convo went like this:

Me: Haha, oh JC! I swore that man was reading a 'Pedophilia for Dummies' book! But it's actually pre-diabetes.

T and D look over at the guy.

Me: Actually, I should get that since both my mom and grandpa had/have it.

T: PEDOPHILIA?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!????!?!?!?!

Cue insane, tearing laughter that lasted for *AT LEAST* 15 minutes. Then JC and I high-fived.





We may or may not have been naked (He (I?) did read from that book...).

Also, as is obvious from the picture, we did simultaneously high five and low five.








But there's more!

Later that week, actually, I think it was the next day, T and I went back to B&N to "study" some more. On my way back from the bathroom, I passed a "for Dummies" book table. I did a quick glance (for pedophilia) and didn't find it. BUT, sitting right next to each other were 'Dating for Dummies' and 'Writing Children's Stories for Dummies.' If the conjunction of those two books doesn't equal 'Pedophilia for Dummies,' I don't know what does.

And so:

And that's what I call improvisation!

'Where's the evidence pedophilia runs in your family?!?!?' you might ask. Well sir! I have it right here from you. Here is a relatively recent picture of my brother:
Holy pedophile, Batman! But still not convinced? One more piece of solid, unwavering evidence. Note this artist's rendition of my mom:

There you have it, folks. Pure, solid gold, irrefutable evidence. My mom actually decided to join Facebook after the pedophilia B&N incident, and in one of the wisest decisions of her life, gave my brother the password to her account, who gave it to me. We "freshened up" Mom's account and I even had this artist's rendition of her specially made to dedicate the monumental event. She then asked, "what does 'where my ho's at?' mean?"