Turtlin' A Bit

So, I am turtlin' a bit on getting my posts done from this weekend, so I have a little snippet that I think you all will enjoy.

 

AND HE'S A FUCKING ASTRONAUT!










So one of our stops was to the Natch History Museum. We had gone through the Dinosaurs and Oceans rooms and I wanted to go to the Human Origins room via the Ice Age room but I had to put my Mom and Gram in timeout for making Republicanist comments, and Bill agreed to watch them while berating them about liberalosity, so I headed out by myself.

In my lone ventures, I happened across a magical wonderland of digital technology in the Human Origins room. Apparently, you could see what you would look like as some sort of Homo... Beat 'em to it! (Ba dum dum chaaaaaaaaaaa)


I am hilarious.


Anyway, this is me as Homo floresiensis (gay flowers?), which extinctified 17,000 years ago.

Here's a little about me that the Natch History Museum sent me:

As a Homo floresiensis, you live just 95,000 to 17,000 years ago on an island in what is now Southeast Asia.  You are very small…with a brain only about a third the size of modern humans [same as now]. But you make tools, control fire [I CONTROL FIRE!!!!], hunt a variety of animals [yeah, they are called 'women' ;)] [<-- SEE PREVIOUS POST ABOUT SMILEYS], and your small size helps you survive on an island with limited resources. Your favorite words include 'ugh' and various forms of growling [same as now]. A typical day includes playing pickup soccer with the dinosaurs on the other side of the waterhole, clubbing baby seals, and picking bugs out of your loved ones' fur and eating them (the bugs, not your loved ones... except that one time... and the time you were too lazy to kill the mastodon... and the time after that... and all those other times but they don't count...). You commute to work everyday to the opposite side of the island where you conduct scientific experiments on polar bears (poke them with sticks). You often see 'ghosts' of your dead father [Bill?!?!?] which you follow into the jungle and sometimes see sitting in a rocking chair in a cabin [what's a rocking chair? Better yet, what's a cabin?]. At night, you pray to your one god, Jacob, who controls everything you see and everything you don't see, including the ether. But your tribe only sacrifices virgins, so you have nothing to worry about.