Do I Really Need More Evidence That Emily is a Freak?

I don't.



I was sitting out in the common area last night and I hear a shrill "WHERE DID THIS COME FROM??!?!?!!!?" from the bathroom. Emily comes into the common room and asks me, "How long have I had this?" pointing to something on her chin. I can't really see anything because of the bad lighting, so we go into the bathroom. Then she shows me this inch-and-a-half-long black hair on the side of her face. HOT RIGHT?

But we were a bit puzzled at its sudden appearance. Unfortunately, I look at Emily a lot throughout the day, whether I am talking to her or secretly plotting her gruesome death from my desk three chairs away. And, just previous to this hair discovery, I had been sitting next to her on the couch, ON THE HAIR SIDE! Emily thinks the hair sprouted overnight, but I think it popped up in the minutes between the couch-sitting and the mirror-looking-in.


The conclusion is, this hair is an omen telling me, in even greater emphasis, that Emily is a freak and should any part of my body/clothing/belongings touch her or anything she has ever touched, I should quickly douse it in gasoline and burn away the pure, sacrilegious evil.